Archive for April, 2010

Klingons

Posted in Daily Encounters on 04/14/2010 by montecristomorillo

The cheeks of my butt were glued on the toilet bowl, feeling the raw coolness and texture of the throne, which was used specifically as a site where you dump fecal matters and urinary excrements. I was reading an issue of Lonely Planet, browsing through some of the vividly captured photos on the magazine, trying to imagine if I were on those exotic locations. Anyways, I finished the dumping activity so I stood up and tried to open the faucet. To my disappointment, no water came gushing out of the stainless tube, compelling me to holler so that someone could help me out on my predicament. But no one was there. So I sat once again, on the poop pedestal, and waited for a miracle to transpire, leaving the faucet open for a while. It was dead silent inside the confine of the bathroom, which was mostly adorned with colorful and floral designs, and filled with various toiletries. The only available resort within reach was the still packed “tissue paper”.

 

To be continued later on…

 

I was confronted with this particular question: which methodology is more hygienic in cleansing the chasm in between the butt — tissue wipes or water (with soap) itself. Westerners often see this Asian custom of ours as remotely aseptic or even acceptable. This practice, which I am referring to, involves the following: a dipper, water, and soap. The process goes like this: you squat down, scoop some water using the dipper, scrub the a**hole with your left hand applied with soap or any other agent, and then generously wash it off. Westerners, on the other hand, do it in a rather quick-fix style — a simple wipe & flush. It’s just that I can just imagine the turd being smeared on the area when you use the tissue paper. Aside from that, you cannot be assured that it is entirely clean, as you would need certain elements to expunge the bacteria or germs that might thrive there. I am not saying that our method, as Asians, is the preferable one. I do understand that there are cultural differences, but water (with soap) seems to be the most effective way of removing and cleaning off harmful matters in those sensitive zones. Westerners probably use tissue paper because they see it as a convenient way — which I gladly accept without question, as I have used tissue paper itself during some pressing situations as an answer to the unavailability of bidets in water closets. You see, tissue papers come in handy when traveling…

 

Continuation…

 

Clearly, I was left with no other choice but to grab the aid of the tissue paper. So I reached it with my hand, unrolled a few squares of which, and tore it with alacrity. I wiped the anal region of mine repeatedly until no visible shit was seen, fearing that “klingons” might still be there. I was inside the toilet or a considerable amount of time, which was a relief upon stepping out, only to find out that water was up and running again. The heck! And I went back inside…=)

klingon (noun):  a tiny piece of shit (also referred to as a dingleberry) that hangs from your butt hair that is hard to get out.

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